What should I do
by IshmaelMiller
Summary: (Oneshot & Bonus). Ellie figures out what Joel did in Salt Lake City.
1. What should I do

I don't know what to do.

Don't give me that look.

No, don't do it, you fucker.

Because I can't look at it.

I trusted you, but I trusted myself too; then why. I remember that day, when we came back to Tommy's; I remember your face, your words; your tone. You were happy, while you were talking about your daughter, Sarah; you should've noticed, but we both kept it secret, like a non-written rule that made my heart sink whenever I'd think about it.

She's dead, isn't she?

You can't say it, but we all know what happened and we decided not to talk, not to think about it, but here we are; Maria is dead, Tommy is missing… I can't go on. Did you have to wait until this to talk? No, we both waited, while thinking about it being impossible.

But then why can't I hate you or me? I just want to hear a solution, now more questions. I'm losing myself right here, and all you're doing is staring at me while you´re trying to get the right words, even when we both know they just don't exist. Nobody said it was easy, but now we know it's hopeless as well. But you're the one I trust, the one I care about, and I can't even think of myself without you; I just can't.

Are we both responsible for what happened today? Are we just that blind? All we wanted was to be left alone, but deep inside we just didn't care about the world enough, which sucks if you're the world.

I want to be able to say something. I can see you struggling, and I have to admit that in the end I kind of understand you, but even then I can't just accept what you did, or what I did.

But I just want you by my side. Why is that so hard to do?

Are we just not destined to be together? I waited a long ass time to meet you, and to think that it's going to happen again… are you just another one? Mom, dad, Riley, Marlene…

All I ever wanted was someone to rely on, to love, to trust… just someone that would be next to me to laugh, cry or just to kill time knowing that even then we'd both be comfortable.

I won't make it out alive, am I? Haha, I should've known. And it hurts. I just hope I would've known sooner. Dammit Marlene, you screwed up… At least I would've known to keep my mouth and my head shut. You knew about it, Marlene? It surely was hard for you, it should've been. I remember when you discovered I was immune; maybe you knew since that moment, that you can't make a vaccine out of a chick and expect her to survive; that would explain the bad night you had after that; I thought you were so happy that you just couldn't sleep… and that made me happy too.

But in the end we all failed, and your only sin was being killed by the only one that would make me feel again at home. I'm sorry Marlene; my mother put you in charge of me, but I know being the leader of your group left you with little time for me, after all I'm just another messy human being, and as such I demand time and effort. But don't worry, even when we would only see each other during mornings and nights, I truly loved you as the mother I didn't have, and is because of that that I can understand what you felt at that moment… maybe you didn't tell me my fate because of that… and oh God, isn't that what I feel right now.

Reality is tough.

I can't hate you, just as I can't hate him.

Even when we know we all made mistakes, and I'm just the queen of fools.

I want to cry.

But I'm already crying.

So it's fine, I guess.

I can't see him… I guess I ran away.

That's what we all did, isn´t it, Marlene?

I still don't know what to do… and I wonder if I ever will.


	2. Bonus

**Bonus**

"Are you sure of this, Mr. O'Connor? We could still revisit the plan," Rose told him, as he was going to the helicopter.

The man, with his eyes that could pierce through your head right to your brain, just let a little glimpse of what would come, by turning a blind eye to her, as if making her know how important that day was, or rather that night.

"If you ask me, I never thought this day would come," Alfred told her, while looking at their boss getting in the chopper along Alpha Team, the first that would take off, "but the man did it, after twenty one years."

"A world without the Cordyceps?" she said, while not moving her eyes from the chopper, "to be honest I though he was just another one in the pot, all along just like the others, but when he started moving the troops all over the country I just couldn't be like something real wasn't happening."

"I can understand you; two decades of seemingly fruitless sacrifices, but now I think it was worth it. I've known that man for more than you'd think, and I would give my life for him any day, after all… in a world where everything went to black, you need someone like him."

"You really believe he can save the world?"

"If he can't, we may as well be doomed."

After that the fleet took off, and they just gazed at the orange sky while seeing the flying whales on their way, knowing that that day the FEDRA would finally get a person with total immunity to the Cordyceps.

"Oh, by the way, it's good to see you again, Alfred; it's been a long time… like four years, in what department do you work? I thought you were out of the work, or even dead… you know how things are here…"

"Yeah, I know, but don't worry about me, and say Karla hi for me, and about my work… I'm Mr. O'Connor's right arm, which is why we won't see each other in four more years probably."

"My mother died two years ago."

"I see… Sorry for your loss."

"Don't worry, you couldn't know."

Then one last helicopter arrived, the one that would get Alfred; he saw it, immediately getting his case while looking at his team in the helipad; they were all ready, just waiting for him.

"That's my flight," he said to her, without taking his eyes from the chopper.

"Good luck to you guys," Rose said, with a little smile in her face.

But something was stopping him, still looking at that helicopter, while one man in his team was waving at him, and making him now he needed to go.

"Don't tell anyone else, Rose… do you want to know the name of the target?"

"Huh? What's his name?"

"The target's a girl, fifteen, named Ellie."

Rose just stood there, in shock, while the only sound in that room was the choppers' helixes.

"All sacrifices are worth it, Rose," Alfred said without looking at her, "right?"

Rose couldn't say anything to that; their child would've been sixteen, with her seventeenth birthday in just one more month.

"Do you still hate me, Rose?"

"No, I don't."

Ellie was a cheerful girl, born in a twisted world, that died at age twelve when the Fireflies bombed several FEDRA outposts.

The final helicopter took off with Alfred in it; the destination would be a dam in Jackson County.


End file.
